Forgiveness and the Powerful Hawaiian Practice of Ho’oponopono

Relationships are the very fabric of our lives. Every person we come in contact with creates a relationship, whether we simply meet their eyes in passing on the street or we choose to spend the rest of our lives with them in partnership. Actually, everything is relationship, and that is why we spend so much time thinking about it, worrying about it, wanting it, needing it, repelling it, healing it.

I recently had a relationship experience that was incredibly frustrating. The crux of it was that another person was behaving in ways that were hurtful and upsetting to me. The situation was such that I was not able to adequately express my frustration or defend myself, which really challenged my need for open communication. And the emotions around this issue were sufficiently distracting to me that I dwelled frequently on how to “fix” it.

After wrestling with this frustration for a while, I eventually realized that it was not really necessary to have the closure I desired and that in fact, demanding it was nothing more than an ego stroke. Yes, there are times when we truly must speak up or risk sacrificing our integrity — amongst other things. This was not one of those times. I’ll admit, though, that letting go of the urge to “speak my truth” took a bit of work to fully embrace. Exhausted mentally and emotionally, I turned it all over to the Divine.

And through that act of surrender, came the gift of Ho’oponopono.

For right at this very same time, I received a call from a woman I had recently met, Georgina Sweeney. During our conversation, Georgina mentioned to me that she sometimes uses a Hawaiian technique of forgiveness to assist her clients. I had heard the term Ho’oponopono before but didn’t know anything about it. What I was about to learn profoundly transformed the way I experience forgiveness and I’d like to share it with you now.

Ho’oponopono means “to make right” or “to rectify an error.” Essentially, it is a spiritual cleansing ritual, the main purpose of which is to reconnect with our own divine identity. The process clears toxic energies that are blocking our healing. These toxins take the form of negative emotions, memories, stresses, and fears that lodge themselves deep within our body, our psyche, and our spirit.

Because all souls are really one, what affects one of us, affects all of us. So when we are struggling and in pain, at some level everyone else is affected by it. Likewise, when we heal ourselves, we heal everyone else as well (all souls — not just the people involved in a particular situation). Can you see how powerful Ho’oponopono would be if everyone were doing it on a regular basis?

Here’s the tricky part: Ho’oponopono is a practice of taking 100% responsibility for all of your thoughts and actions — as well as everyone else’s. Yes, you read that correctly! There is no divvying up of responsibility for who said what or did what. You must accept FULL responsibility. But when you do, coupled with the technique I will describe below, the result is pure magic — healing at a profound level.

The alchemy here is of allowing LOVE to transmute the negativity, LOVE to neutralize the emotions and memories, LOVE to free them from the soul, and LOVE to fill the space we have cleared. As we release the painful emotions and memories and fill ourselves with love, so are we doing for all others. What an incredible gift to ourselves and the world!

The process is surprisingly simple but deeply transformative. It goes beyond just asking for forgiveness (from yourself as well as others). There is something about the combination of taking complete responsibility and using love to heal that makes this a particularly powerful technique.

Ready to learn the process? It’s very easy. You simply repeat the following four magical phrases with focused and positive intent. Georgina mentioned that she uses the other person’s name as well, and I liked that idea, so I used that too.

The process goes like this:

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

That’s the basic method. Ho’oponopono is an ancient technique and there is more to it than this. If you are interested, I strongly encourage you to learn more about it!

However, at the time I began using it, I knew nothing more that what I am relating to you here. I simply repeated these phrases over and over to myself like a mantra — while I was shoveling snow, doing the dishes, taking a break from work, sitting in meditation. I even wrote it in my journal. It was the last thing I did before I went to bed. I repeated the mantra as many times as felt right in the moment. And I would stay present while I was doing it, holding the intention of love and forgiveness.

Holding intention is an important key to this process. You can’t just say the phrases mindlessly. Put your heart and soul into it. Really feel the emotions of love and forgiveness while you are doing it. Fill yourself with light. Surrender to what is. Remember that you are healing all other souls too!

There is nothing else for you to do. No analyzing, no processing, no picking apart the situation piece by piece. That’s the mind trying to take over the process. Your higher self knows what needs to be healed. Let it do the work for you.

Ho’oponopono can be used to heal all sorts of emotions, from complex to relatively mundane, recent experiences or past traumas — and in all sorts of relationships, from our families and friends to our clients and vendors.

Here are some answers to questions you may have right about now:

Did I do this for weeks? No, actually just a couple of days. And I began feeling peace with the very first “session.” However, this was not a deep-seated problem with long-term history, so it may not be reasonable to expect such quick results with something you’ve been carrying around since childhood.

Did I do anything else special? No, I just repeated the process and stayed present in the moment, really feeling the emotions of forgiveness and love as completely as possible.

Do you have to “love” the other person to use this technique? Well now, that’s an interesting question, isn’t it? We all know the English language is ridiculously bereft of words to describe all the various forms of love that we can feel. My answer is: No, the other person doesn’t have to be someone you would say “I love you” to in the way that we typically use those words. If you consider that the Ho’oponopono process embodies the concept of oneness of all that is, and that “love” is the same as “God” or “the Divine,” then there should be no question or hesitation about using the word “love,” regardless of the relationship.

What finally happened? I reached a place of complete release and complete peace. I no longer have any desire to explain or defend myself. I accept my responsibilities fully but without the self-destructive thought patterns that were plaguing me. Whether or not the other person accepts any responsibility at all is now irrelevant. I don’t have negative feelings toward the other person either. In fact, everything about it feels completely balanced and in harmony. Like all is right with the world.

Fascinating, eh?

So how can you use Ho’oponopono in your life today?

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Tagged as: forgiveness, healing, relationships